Do you ever get that warm, fuzzy, buzz when your sphere of sports awareness lights up with activity? I have it now! It's all happy stuff, too, well, as much as it can be, but I feel so bouncy and hyper today, even though I am extremely tired...

Mostly because BASEBALL SEASON IS REALLY COMING! It's been coming since it ended, I know, but...it's coming! It's almost here! Things are happenning! There are a lot of exclamation points...I'm sorry.

But...first things first. O-Dog has a job! Yes, it's with the twinkies, but a job is a job and I can still watch him play on MLB.tv, and I won't have a huge conflict-of-interest because I don't really mind the Twins. He'll be with Michael Cuddyer, Justin Morneau, Joe Nathan, and a bunch of other dudes, and is that such a bad group to be associated with?

I would have preferred if he'd gone to Washington, but they weren't willing to pay him. Yeah, he's getting a lot more than last year's base salary, but come on. After winning a third gold glove, he deserves it.

Mark Reynolds is looking for a multiyear deal. All the more power to him! Sure, he strikes out and makes a lot of errors, but as long as he's not playing first base we can overlook that because he tries really hard and refuses to get injured. Plus, with a regular first-baseman he may be able to develop a routine-type play and they will have trust or something. And he did have 100 RBIs and a walk-off walk last year!

Felipe Lopez is still a free agent...come on, someone, sign him! He can play 3 positions in the infield, he can hit for average, he's a switch hitter...that's one of the only bad things.

And there's only 2 and a half weeks till pitchers and catchers! And we'll get a whole season full of AJ Hinch mishaps and pinch-hitting pitchers. Hope he doesn't use Kennedy too much.

So, if you take all the excitement and add it to Kovalchuk, 2 hockey games, 2 softball practices, and the Super Bowl...it's My Super Sweet Sports Weekend.

The only bright spot in my boring little life is that if the Devils somehow miraculously defeat the Maple Leafs on Friday (if they remember how to score a goal and that there are three periods instead of two) they will still be on top because the Penguins don't play till then or later and are only one point back.

But that probably won't happen.

And I have no distractions from the horror that is my love/hate relationship with sports.

See, this is why I like baseball better than hockey: the losses don't seem too bad because there are more of them, almost simply because there are twice as many games. And there's one every night practically, so there's really not much time to sit and dissect the losses.

And there are no teams with unsportsmanlike captains threatening to take over the division with something so simple as an overtime loss.

Okay, I'm being dramatic.

But I need a distraction.

And nothing is going on in baseball.

Does MLB.com think I care about the Yankees WS trophy touring China? Even if it was my own team's trophy, would I care? No. Do I care about Joe Mauer and his stupid contract? No! I know he's going to get a big one. He plays in another league, yes he's very good, but I don't really care about Joe Mauer. I won't until he starts beating my team, which isn't for a while!

And will somebody PLEASE sign O-Dog? It isn't hard to put the money out there, *cough* NATINALS!!!

And former D-Backs Felipe Lopez and Rod Barajas are still out there, too, you know. I'm still waiting for the Mets to sign a personal catcher for every pitcher. Though if they end up with only four healthy pitchers, I guess they were just being economical.

My best friend surprised me with a hilarious comparison of Jayson Werth to the naked cowboy. When you think about it, they really do look alike. If you look them both up, well...maybe it'll brighten your day, or at least make it a bit more humorous.

Coming soon to a TV near you...what are the latest doings of the most popular shows?

Yankees: The budget is tightening, allowing some of the major stars' characters to be written out and replaced with role-playing actors from other series: Curtis Granderson, compared by some to Mark Reynolds, comes with a few less hits and a few less strikeouts, and his home runs are not as long. But seeing as he won't replace Mark Reynolds, that probably won't be an issue. The signing on of some minor characters allows the background to stay similar, allowing for a bit of help with adjustment as the new season approaches.

Rangers: The exciting drama is falling, as ratings are down and fans are fed up with the plot downturns. They aren't watching it to get their soap opera fill (That's why they have Knicks!) but with the fall that's more than a fluctuation, everyone's scratching their head rather than holding their breath. Maybe the fresh faces can turn this thing around?

Nets: Relegated to the back burner due to the unusually tepid comedy of errors it's turned into, and on the verge of a change in set location. Maybe that'll bring the ratings and the jokes back up to par.

Mets: Omar, the main character, has just revealed that he pretended not to know about what was going on with JJ's medical history when they first met, but chose to ignore it. Fred, his disapproving guardian, may be angrier than usual, but we've been left hanging on the cliff until Fred's made his decision...

Knicks: The soap opera continues. It's been a lot less interesting ever since Isaiah quit the show, but surprising new faces have kept things on a higher note...if at the price of some of the usual drama that is trademark of soap operas.

Jets: The usually-serious show is now a sitcom, thanks to new characters Rex and Mark. Rex has fired several of his assistants, which can only cause trouble. Or can it? With Mark's impending surgery, perhaps he'll figure out how to work better, even though his boss is clearly enamoured with him already. The trouble is, will he want to?

Islanders: A star in John Tavares may rise the show's standing, but its normal low in the scheme of things means that it'll be hard. Good performances by Tavares, the newly-returned Rick DiPietro, and others, may draw attention, ratings, and an upturn in plot for the decidedly "emo" show.

Giants: A dramatic turn after the show turned more feel-good did not pay off, and ratings are back down. There are still many devotees, but they don't have as much fervor as before, for the most part. Is a low point near, or can they rebound quickly?

Devils: After breaking out ahead of rival shows, Devils has slowed down due to Crazy Jaques' evil laughs not being funny, and an assessment of the collaboration of three characters as the "snooze line" is becoming more and more accurate the less attention the actors pay to their work.

*No pro sports teams in Connecticut

A one-two punch is solid, like the Astros with the Roid Rocket and Andy Pettitte, or the Dbacks with RJ and Schill, or...um...you can say the Yankees with Sabathia and Burnett (but only if you are talking about the money) or the Mariners (possibly) with Hernandez and Lee....ok, you get the picture, maybe go back a long way and say the Sith with Koufax and Drysdale.

But anyway, the top of a rotation is a pretty hyped-up part of a team that will, if you're talking one-two puches, play 2/5 of the time barring injuries. Less, in fact, because who pitches more than a few CGs?

But a "big three" is treated with a lot of reverence. You could say that Atlanta had it in the nineties with Maddux and Glavine and (sometimes) Smoltz, and the D-Backs have kind of been supposed to have it a couple of times but it never worked, (ie the last couple of seasons) and Oakland had a patchwork a while ago that sputtered out when Zito left (nevermind the interchangeable other good pitchers, Hudson/Mulder/Haren/Harden) but one of the best was the mid-00s White Sox: Contreras, Buehrle, and Garland. In some kind of order.

Yeah, none of them won a Cy Young and they weren't together forever, they split up. But here's a case where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. No offense to any of these guys, as they're all at least fairly decent pitchers, but without the other two they just aren't as good. When you take Garland and put him in another division, another league, he just isn't as good. Buehrle and Contreras kept pitching along, but they both kinda fell apart last August, resulting in Contreras being shipped off to Colorado, where his WHIP skyrocketed to about 1.6...and Buehrle kinda steadied his ERA but was still a little...rocky. (unintentional but unavoidable pun)

Their best year together was probably the first full one, 2005, where two of them made the ASG and got CY votes and the other got MVP votes. By the way, they won the world series that year. None of them has ever won another series, with or without the Sox.

Their last year, it was kinda splitting up already. They all won exactly the same number of games (10), but Contreras lost 17 while Buehrle pitched his first no-hitter. Garland, meanwhile, worked on his control with the lowest wild pitch total of his career and his value was just middling enough to be traded.

I couldn't find any pictures of just the three of them, so I guess I'll take them with Freddy Garcia (Thanks to Allposters.com, by the way) rather than a whole team of guys who I won't know by their images or uniform numbers.

But will they ever be reunited again? Glavine skipped town in Atlanta and then the others followed suit, and now 2 are retired. The Oakland guys are all over, Mulder's probably out for good and Zito's contract is so huge and so long and SF has enough pitchers that they probably won't get rid of him or get anyone else. There's not much of a chance of a reunion for those guys with Hudson in Atlanta, Harden in Texas, or Haren with the Dbacks, although all of these guys are still pretty young so they've got time.

The prognosis is pretty grim for these three: Firstly, Contreras is 38 and probably on the tail end of his career and in Philly, where they've got big-name players eating the salary like Halladay, Howard, and Utley. Garland is in San Diego, where it's conceivable Contreras could end up, but Buehrle is still firmly ensconced in Chicago for another couple of years and will probably stay there.

But these guys need each other to be better pitchers. Sure, they can have small ERAs, win 17 games, or win gold gloves without each other but they aren't living up to their full potentials.

At least, that's how it seems. Maybe they're just mediocre pitchers who coincidentally had their best years at the same time, but that doesn't seem very likely.

Not very catchy, but seeing how the Evil Empire of Sith hasn't done anything lately, it's up to three major idiots in professional sports, who coincidentally all operate within a few miles of where I am right now.

The Idiot Brigade would be the lovely downgrading Yankees executives, Omar Minaya, and Jaques Lemaire.

For those of you who don't know, Jaques Lemaire is the Devils' coach. And, okay, it's not his fault completely that the Devils lost yesterday (they were in a shootout against one of the best goalies in the NHL, Ryan Miller) but a couple of his decisions were a bit odd. Like how overexhaused Marty Brodeur played the whole game. Yes, Yann Danis played the last period of the game before this, but guess what? It wouldn't hurt him to play more than a little bit, especially considering that he stopped all the shots in the 20 minutes he did get to play. He's smart, he has experience, and it seemed he has recovered from his mystery illness which was probably a stomach bug. Mr. Lemaire, do you want Marty to keel over? I hope not. But he made a poor choice in who to send out in the shootout. Would I have picked Parise first? Probably not. And Langenbrunner second? Probably not. Although Langenbrunner kind of choked and if the Sabres hadn't made the goal first, he might have scored. And Marty should not have let that second one in!

But, anyway, enough of my hockey rant. On to the baseball!

I know, law of averages and all, that good teams don't usually stay really good, and after all, do I remember any team that has gotten better after winning the world series? No. But the Yankees are seriously downgrading.

Randy Winn, Javy Vazquez, and Curtis Granderson do not equal Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, Melky Cabrera, and Jose Molina. Winn, playing in the NL west and its hitter-friendly ballparks, did not do great last year. Yes, Yankee Stadium is very power-friendly but it's Granderson who stands to gain at that. Vazquez sucks as a Yankee (blah, blah, blah, he was hurt, I don't care) and as a pitcher will probably not fare too well in the lovely House that Taxpayers Built. Without Molina, AJ Burnett is nothing. And the Yanks can't go through the playoffs on two men, one of whom is old and the other of whom is being paid about a fifth of their "budget". Chad Gaudin is really going to have to step it up this year...

Yes, Matsui is a DH who can't play the outfield. But his offense will be missed. Damon has a horrible arm, but he can hit and run the bases smart and pay attention to the game...and in a power-friendly park, most of the balls are going to go out if they go really far. It's not a giant outfield like Coors Field where you need good fielders. And Cabrera's defense will be missed. When was the last time the Yankees farm system produced an arm like that? Shane Spencer.

As for the Mets...

They still haven't done anything. Johan is pitching off of a mound, and that is the big news.

But why hasn't Minaya signed Felipe Lopez yet?

Lopez can hit. The reason I was really sad when he was traded was not because he was my favorite player ever, although I did like him a lot. It was because he was the only one on the team hitting .300...not too shabby when you have no protection in the lineup. He's also a switch-hitter and can hit for power on occasion on both sides of the plate. He can also field the position...that being second, short, or third. He'd be a defensive upgrade over Castillo, Cora/Reyes, and Wright...whichever one was injured at the time (Castillo's time has to be coming soon, he wasn't injured all last year). And there's no reason at all why Minaya shouldn't like him. He probably won't even cost that much.

But...that's baseball, I suppose.

Darth Vader, prophesied saviour of the Jedi Order, has joined the Padres of San Diego...hooray! Of course, I wanted him to come to New York but no, Minaya didn't listen. But the Padres could be the Jedi reinforcements of the NL west!

Why?

Because of all the jedi! No, Darth Vader is not the only one. There's Scott Hairston and David Eckstein--not to mention a guy with the same name as our Mendoza-happy CF.

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

I will look further into this later, as I am generally mad (in general, to be redundant about it) at a certain computer company.

The iPad is kind of lame-sounding, so I haven't bothered to find out what it is but probably will as it will be shoved in my face by all the lovely, rich technophiles with whom I am pleasured to attend school with. But with that comes advertisements for the iPod touch.

Which is one of the things I loathe most in the world next to conceited people.

Back when I got my iPod, the iPod touch was a new thing and not very useful unless you jailbroke it, which is to say, something I would never do as I would be afraid of the warranty being voided and as I have been rescued by the warranty twice that would not be very wise. Anyhow, soon the iTouch (why iTouch and not iNano or iClassic?) became this big thing with the legal apps, which you know if you've been to MLB.com in the past year or so.

And things like At Bat and other cool things I couldn't have, because not only can my iPod not be interacted with by touch screen (and a heat-sensitive one at that--how stupider can you get? what if someone has a low body temperature? What about people with really long nails?) all it does is (GASP!) play music! I know, how revolutionary, right?

And because I will not fork over the 300-odd dollars to buy a machine with so limited memory, well--suffice to say I don't have an iTouch.

And so why can't they just make them for other iPods? Why is everything apple does so exclusive to its precious iTouch?

Why can't iPods just be iPods again and play the damn music?

The Devils are going to lose again tonight because Ryan Miller is the opposing goalie and they just can't score anything. And also, the hideously overworked Marty Brodeur is starting for us and he needs a break of more than one period. Give Danis the whole game and he won't freaking break.

Wait, got a question for youse: which is more incompetent, Jaques Lemaire or AJ Hinch?

For the D-Backs, that is. They could quite literally go anywhere in the scheme of things, from first to last place, and by that I do not mean simply the small, enclosed world of the NL west. I mean the whole shebang, Major League Baseball, people.

Yes, that's right, they could be the Yankees or the Nationals, and while I'm not just saying this because you can't predict baseball (no matter how many times John Sterling says it, it's still true) or whatever trades we have done in the past with these teams I am saying that because there are so many factors.

And they divide, just like permutations and combinations (okay, studying for my math final is kind of getting to me, but bear with me, please) and probability.

The things that must go right in order for us to get somewhere:
5 healthy, somewhat consistent starting pitchers (if not, a suitable backup)
Nothing happening to our everyday second baseman
Stephen Drew is not a space cadet
Chris Young hits above the Mendoza Line
Aaron Heilman is not at least 90% goat
Mark Reynolds and Justin Upton improve their fielding
Conor Jackson's Valley Fever doesn't relapse
Miguel Montero gets better at catching
Chad Qualls does not give us a heart attack
AJ Hinch miraculously learns the art of managing (or gets fired in favor of someone who already knows it)

What is the probability of that? It is quite minimal, I'm sure, and frankly I am too lazy to do the math or figure out how much of the time or when exactly Heilman chokes. Or Valley Fever data.

Now, then, even if all that happens, there are still other teams in the division and they can't do better than us (even though they are probably better teams). But, as we know, even Johan Santana gets injured. So what will have to go wrong with any other team?

Any 2 starters from one team get injured (or one if he's giving the most innings)
The McCourts are too wrapped up in freeing themselves from one another that they forget about baseball
The Padres actually trade Adrian Gonzalez, as they've been threatening to do for the past decade and a half.
In losing weight, Pablo Sandoval loses his power and ergo gives the home run duty over to the pitchers.
Jason Giambi is a flop again.
Bengie Molina takes a leaf from his teammate Barry Zito's book and loafs around because they're paying him anyway.
In protest of his low batting average, Manny refuses to catch any ball in the outfield.

But, though these teams were better last year, none of them noticeably improved this past offseason. The same can certainly be argued for or against of the D-Backs, though.

So is it possible? Yeah. It looks kinda good, actually, but I'm probably deceiving myself.

What do you think?

It's me again, the girl who loves to criticize you. Thanks for taking my advice and not signing Delgado--this does NOT mean you have a free pass to do so now--and also on the aggressiveness with Jason Bay. Now you have someone decent and healthy (for now) in the outfield.

But Gary Matthews Jr? How will he, his 4 home runs, and his .250 batting average help at all? Yes, Matt Holliday is locked up for eternity in St. Louis, but that doesn't mean there aren't better alternatives on the block than Matthews. Even Eric Byrnes would be better--he's a good guy in the clubhouse (which isn't to say that Matthews is not), he has fun with the media, he'll take very little pay (he's getting 11 million anyway), and he's got power and baserunning smarts. Yeah, he's always injured, but Matthews probably will be at some point, too. And Byrnes lasts until the end of May usually, giving Beltran time to come back.

And my mother's really mad at you for trading a pitcher, any pitcher, away. See, Lackey signed with the Red Sox and Pineiro went to the Angels but there are other guys out there. Like Ben Sheets. Yes, he's always injured, too, but if you pay him a low base with high incentives, he'll come. Worst-case, he's partying on the DL with everyone else, but best-case is a Cy Young contention or a solid number two starter. Jon Garland's out there, too. He's got experience, he gives you more innings away from the bullpen...speaking of which, John Smoltz would be good in your bullpen, Omar. He's not a starter, but just think of him as your go-to reliever...doesn't that make you feel a little better?

And there are some catchers out there that you haven't signed. Rod Barajas is an everyday player who's got a world series ring, and sure he was just Damian Miller's backup, but you have to start somewhere. Jose Molina is great defensively and is good with pitchers. AJ Burnett's really going to miss him next year when Posada and Cervelli don't catch any of his wild pitches.

And going back to pitching, wouldn't it be fun, interesting, and potetially high-reward if you tried some of your position players as pitchers? David Wright used to pitch, didn't he? Yes, he can hit, but it won't be too hard to find someone who can produce more runs than him. And Daniel Murphy is not exactly a gold-glover anywhere, so it can't hurt to try him out as a hurler. People will call you crazy, but they already do, so it's not much of a loss, is it?

If all else fails, you can sign Rickey Henderson, because he'll always want to play.

But I'm guessing if you read this (which you almost definitely won't) you'll ignore it, Mr. Minaya. So I guess have a nice day, watch the Jets game--maybe if their Shonn Green does well, your Sean Green will, too.

Somewhat sincerely,

The Same Annoyed Fan

Right, since my purposes are to A) entertain you and B) talk baseball, I better get cracking because I haven't really been doing that of late so I apologize.

Anyone here read SI? Yup, me too. I think Selena Roberts' Point After is a great article and has many a valid point, but the stuff she says about the bloggers...it isn't all true. She says that we're fickle people who forget the old stuff and forget too quickly. And while that's true of your generic sports blogger (not naming any names)...I don't read that kind of blog. It's boring and reporting stuff I already know. Are these the blogs most people read? Well, kind of.

If you look at the top MLBlogs as of last year it's a mix. But all the blogs I read are less analytical and gimmicky and more on the bigger picture. Not to say I never read the other blogs, but I don't like reading the high-traffic ones. They have enough readers, they don't need me, and it frustrates me to see more people reading those than other, more deserving blogs (Hyun Young's, for example, should have made the top 57 or whatever it was # of fan blogs, pop on over and start building up her traffic, guys!) But I try to make my blog as entertaining, biased, and grudge-holding (as much as it pains me to have something in common with Sean Avery) as humanly possible. If it's not working, just tell me. And it would be kinda nice to crack the top 57 myself, yeah, a pipe dream, I know, but if there's anything glaringly obvious (besides being a D-Backs fan) that I can improve and make other people want to read this...just let me know!

Okay, speaking of grudges, youse all know about my grudge against a certain arbitration-eligible division rival pitcher...and if you don't, no, it's not Jonathan Broxton. And how far I went to prove that the sportswriters' love for him is not in proportion to his relative skill level. Sigh. Also, I really don't think his windup is that great or that unique and his pitches aren't all that spectacular. Whatever, I know if he had a blog it would get a million more readers than mine but I am going to be very fair right now.

Why does he deserve that $13 million that he so wants?
He draws in a LOT of fans for the Giants. People love him, people write about him, the Giants get more money. If he left would people come to see Joe Martinez and Barry Zito? Probably not. The Giants consider him their ace, and most teams pay their ace more than they pay their other pitchers. I can see how you'd want to make more money than Barry Zito, if I was a better pitcher than him and played for the Giants I'd want to, too. And he puts in a lot of innings, probably the most underrated pitching stat, and aside from chronic flu seems pretty healthy.

Why not?
He's not the best pitcher on the Giants. Matt Cain is. Martinez and Jonathan Sanchez could be better than Lincecum, for all we know. They need to be more consistent, but that's slightly irrelevant. And you can't blame the Giants for being squeamish after they overestimated the value of the Cy Young award (even if Lincecum has two). He's still pretty fresh and could be a burnout. And the walks he gives up...when you have that many strikeouts and don't lead in BB/K ratio... And, if you look at the D-Backs...how much money are they paying any one player (not specifically anyone)? The highest people on the payroll are Byrnes, Hall, and Byrnes, methinks. And are any of them on the 40-man roster? No. Everyone on the team makes less than 11 million dollars. Compare, say, Justin Upton or Dan Haren with Lincecum...or hell, even Mark Reynolds (they say chicks dig the long ball) and is he really worth that much more than him?

Also, in Dbacks-land, former starter Doug Davis has joined the Milwaukee Brewers. Congrats on your signing, Dougie!! Hope you have a good year out there with Trent Oeltjen and Craig Counsell.

I like Sporting News. I gotta say, though they care about college football way too much so does the average American male and since that is their main audience, you can't blame them for trying to sell magazines. Okay, and they say the Flyers will beat the Devils in the playoffs. At least my father will be happy.

But I like how much they like RJ (They had a feature about him. Which I will tear out of the magazine as soon as my parents are finished with it and put it on my RJ section of my bulletin board.) and though that might be because they are Giants fans (see randomly long Matt Cain interview about nothing interesting in particular after the Giants were eliminated, in which they proceeded to talk about most of the rest of the rotation ("Will you, Sanchez, Lincecum, and Zito be a 'big four'?")) or it also might mean that they like baseball in general.

Okay, they think Brandon Lyon is good, too, so they've got skewed judgement, but hey...they had a huge "who's the best at such-and-such aspect in baseball" article. And who had the best stuff?

King Felix.

Who is awesome and the best guy on the Mariners. Yes, Ichiro, I said the "best". And he's so young, too...just imagine when he's in his late 20s. Forget about it. And, as the great Sporting News pointed out the Ms have started helping him out and improving their team this offseason.

One ace does not a playoff spot make. (See Steve Carlton, Dan Haren, Mike Mussina, etc.)

An ace with a decent, healthy stock of supporting characters (and a couple of drama queens? Can't wait to see how well Milton Bradley and Ichiro get along!) can lead you far beyond a .500 record.

Anyway...glad the Jets won. Glad even the hapless Mark Sanchez can get bailed out by his teammates.